I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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