the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
