I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
