The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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