the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why are your pants in the freezer?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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