just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
