How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
