i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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