He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Found the puke drawer
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
