i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
