Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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