Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
