The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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