I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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