i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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