I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
