i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
