she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
