i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
