Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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