So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
