we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
