Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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