the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
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