You just made me feel so damn special
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
