I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
