yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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