that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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