This girl is more easily done than said...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
