unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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