You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
