No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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