She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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