I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Randomize
