Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
