I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
