Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
