i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
