Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
