She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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