This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize