going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
