to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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