I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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