I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
