I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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