Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Randomize