The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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