he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
