Just mADE A PArabola og urine
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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