Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
