mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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