I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
