THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
