Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
did you just send me my own nude
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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