I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
