some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
