did you get engaged???
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
