I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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