Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
