What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
