Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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