I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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