i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
