You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
