So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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