whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize
