i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
