Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
