peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
