Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize