Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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