i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
