I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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