I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Is it penis luge time yet?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
