Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
