I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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