I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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