K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize