Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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