What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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