So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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