16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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