You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
