don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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