I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
