Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
