i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
"it" just moved
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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