i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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