I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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