I'm going to jail i love you
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
