Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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