i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
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