I wanna bring you to show and tell
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
