there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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