sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
