i wish peter jackson would direct porn
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
