We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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