shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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