she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
