whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
