I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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