i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
