you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
