i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I intend to get homeless drunk
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
