I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
