The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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