he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Randomize
