Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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