But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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